To begin, it is important to recognize that due to today’s technology I was able to self-publish. I wasn’t recognized by a big publisher, and I didn’t make any money. I did this project for myself. I wanted to prove to myself that I could write a book from start to finish and create a product that I am proud of. I feel that even though it was a three year process, I succeeded and I am proud the result. In any case, this was the process:

For most of my life I thought it would be pretty cool to write a book. For a long time it was just an idea that I didn’t put too much weight in; it was a thought, ‘wouldn’t it be cool if…’ It seemed like a dream that was far from reach and would always stay that way, well at least until I was a ‘grown up’. In second grade when I learned how to read chapter books, I became fascinated by books and writing. It was completely amazing to me, the ability to create characters with distinct characteristics, problems, desires, and dreams. With just a pencil and paper, the adventures and the exploration of any simple idea was limitless. In second grade I wrote a story on 220 pages of loose leaf paper in messy second-grader handwriting. I carried the lined pages with me that summer on vacation and writing kept me occupied on long car rides, and in restaurants while waiting for food.

When I grew older, English quickly became my favorite subject. I loved reading books and not just reading them, but analyzing them and what made them so special. Then, during the summer of 2008, when I was sixteen years old, I found myself with an abundance of free time and I realized it was my opportunity to write without any time limits. I went to the library and checked out books on mythology and folklore to get myself thinking of interesting ideas. I took note of things that I found interesting and began thinking of character names, setting, and conflict. About a month later, I decided I was ready to begin writing.

A mistake that I made was to not have the whole story mapped out when I began writing the first chapter because it really helps to have direction. I finished the story after about a month and it was 150 pages of size 12 times new roman, double spaced with one inch margins on 8X11 paper (like a super long essay). I read through it and began to get ideas about what could make it better. So I started over from scratch, made an outline this time and rewrote it. This took another month. When I read through this version I found particular chapters that I didn’t like and I rewrote them. It was now about 180 pages (46,379 words) and I felt that the story itself was complete, but some editing was definitely needed.

By about October 2008 My dad bound it, making it easier to handle and read without worrying about losing pages, and then I found some willing people to read it. I then let the project sit for a while as I became busy with school and other commitments.

In the fall of 2009 I came back to the project and made some edits, and then I let it sit again for the rest of the school year. Then, during the summer of 2010, a friend from school agreed to do some editing. Around that time, I also read a newspaper article about Createspace.com which was basically a cheap printing press that would make professional looking paperback copies of any book. I changed the font, the size, the margins, and page size in word after googling what most ‘real’ books used, then I saved it as a PDF and saved it to the Createspace website.  In this new format (size 12 garamond font, margins 0.5 on the top and bottom and 0.75 on the left and right, and page size 8X5.25) the pages fit a regular book and it was now 192 pages. Then, another friend from school made a beautiful cover so that it would look as “real” as possible. I uploaded the cover image file and submitted it to be checked over by the Createspace team.

I got my first proof during my first week of college in August of 2010, which was very exciting, but I was unhappy with the margins, so I made some adjustments and then I submitted it again. I got another proof, but after reading through it, I wanted to make some changes to the content. However, I got busy with school, so I let it sit some more.

Finally, in May of 2011,  I came back to the project feeling that it was time to complete it (nothing bothers me more than quitting or leaving something unfinished). I looked over all of the files again, including the cover image, which was a little bit too dark, and I made some further changes. I resubmitted everything, and got another proof in early June. I approved all of the files and the paperback is now on Amazon.com and can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Destiny-Scarlet-Silverwood-search-identity/dp/1453682678/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1308245342&sr=8-1

I also made it available for Kindle on Amazon, but the formatting is a little bit off (the pages aren’t separated how they are intended to be and are in the paperback version). In any case, it can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Destiny-Scarlet-Silverwood-ebook/dp/B0055PQ2RK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=books&qid=1308245342&sr=8-2

In the end I am happy with the project and I think it is extremely cool that I wrote a ‘real’ book that blends in on my bookshelf and can be purchased on Amazon.

Here are some images of the process:

So many loose pages all in a large manilla folder!

Tidier and easier to read…

The first proof

The margins were too wide though

The second proof

But I realized that the content still needed some work

The third proof

And I’m finally ready to call it a finished project

In my nineteen years of life, I’ve learned that sometimes you’ve just got to take
a leap. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, toss away all inklings of doubt,
and free your mind from everything standing in your way.

Sometimes it’s a leap of faith such as trusting a stranger, or allowing yourself to
believe that everything will be okay. Other times, it’s a physical leap, such
as conquering a fear of heights and jumping off a cliff into the welcoming
depths of a lake. It’s pushing aside all obstacles that are between you and
your dreams.

There is something remarkably freeing about a leap. The outcome is out of your hands; you’re allowing chance to govern your existence rather than living a dull life
without risk, and you must make peace with this. It’s believing there is
no ulterior motive behind that stranger’s sly smile, and believing that when you
jump you won’t hit the rocks at the bottom. It’s introducing yourself to that
person in the corner who looks lonely and maybe making a new friend. It’s
after doing all that is in your power, letting go and believing that if it’s
meant to be it will happen and thinking positive thoughts.

Taking a leap is finding confidence in yourself and your abilities and never letting
doubt get in your way. It’s believing that you deserve to be happy. It’s
applying to your dream job and believing that you’re qualified and you deserve
it. It’s looking in the mirror and smiling at what you see. It’s letting go of
events that, and people who, no longer belong in your life. It’s disinfecting
your mind of negative thoughts. It’s finding your stride and holding your head
up high.

Taking a leap is recognizing those realizations that change you. It’s realizing that
there is no such thing as a life without regrets, but these unanticipated consequences
are what guide you and help you realize what you don’t want and come that much
close closer to realizing what you do want. It’s that moment when you realize
you no longer care what people think of you or what you want to do. It’s when you
realize that in your story of life, it’s your voice that is most heard, and
your opinion that matters most. It’s when it dawns on you that everyone is
simply human, mortal, and even that person who seems really evil has feelings
too. It’s when you realize that not everyone wishes you well, and there are
actually people hoping you will fail. It’s when you realize that everyone has a
story and their justifications for how they are right now. It’s realizing that
everyone has a heart and everyone wants to be loved. It’s realizing that
everyone deserves a chance and many deserve a second chance. It’s realizing
that not being religious doesn’t make you a bad person, or your unique set of
beliefs and faiths any less strong or important. It’s realizing that most of
where you are is the result of luck, for example, no one chooses the life he or she is
born into and it takes time for your efforts to shape the life you want, so it’s
good to cut people some slack sometimes.

Taking a leap is reaching a place of acceptance. It’s accepting that people will let
you down and no one is perfect, including you. It’s allowing yourself to cry
when you’re sad and smile when you’re happy. It’s accepting and being happy
with where you are and who you are right now rather than dwelling on what you
could have done and who you could be or sacrificing today’s happiness for what
you think will make you happy twenty years from now. It’s accepting that you truly
have no one to please besides yourself, but that is no easy task. It’s
accepting that there are times when it is necessary to stand up for yourself,
and times when it is better to keep your mouth shut because no good will come
of your argument. It’s accepting that there are three sides to every story, side
A, side B, and the truth. It’s accepting that there is no such thing as unbiased.
It’s accepting that people usually cannot read minds, so it’s unfair to expect
them to. It’s accepting that beauty is subjective, but knowing that there is
someone for everyone. It’s accepting that it’s OK to get angry, sad, or
upset, but that it isn’t OK to hold grudges; forgiveness is a must. It’s
accepting that you can hurt people and people can hurt you; it’s a part of
being human and having emotions. It’s accepting that all you can do is your
best and knowing if that isn’t good enough then you wouldn’t have been happy
anyway. It’s accepting that most people don’t want to hear about your problems
or your achievements, but knowing that the few who don’t mind are your good
friends. It’s accepting that most people have their reasons for doing things and believe they are doing the best they can. It’s accepting that just because you
like something doesn’t mean anyone else will or should; we are very subjective
creatures. It’s accepting that you cannot do everything by yourself and
respecting the efforts of others.

Taking a leap is knowing. It’s knowing that there is no secret to life, or happiness
because the idea is too cookie-cutter; we are too diverse for one answer. It’s
knowing that you don’t want to be like everyone else and that “normal” is
impossible to properly define. It’s knowing that you should never change for
someone because you may lose yourself and precisely what makes you special
along the way. It’s knowing that patience is key; frustration, stomping your
foot, punching a wall, and yelling do very little to speed up the process. It’s
knowing that you don’t get to chose your family, your relatives, or your
appearance, but you can choose to accept and love all of it. It’s knowing that
you are bad at as many or more things as you are good at, which is good; it
helps you narrow down what you should put your time into. It’s knowing that
people lie and it’s OK if things don’t always make sense. It’s knowing that
not all things require explanations. It’s knowing that many people know more
than you do, but you also know more than many others. It’s knowing that you
judge people even if you don’t mean to and sometimes your judgments are faulty.
It’s knowing that things do workout sometimes, but not always.

Taking a leap is making choices. You get to choose your purpose and make choices everyday that bring you closer or farther from where you want to be. It’s choosing to be
reasonable and calm rather than frantic and irrational to be better heard. It’s
choosing to take a deep breath and take your time and give each task the
appropriate time and effort. It’s choosing to take constructive criticism into
account and be thankful for it while letting petty, ill-spirited remarks to bounce
off and be forgotten. It’s choosing to recognize that ignorance is not bliss,
it’s just ignorance. It’s choosing to recognize that you are jealous of some
people, and other people are jealous of you

Taking a leap is allowing yourself to learn. It’s learning that it’s really good to
fall down and to make a mistake once in a while. It reminds you that the world
doesn’t revolve around your being perfect, and it prevents your ego from
inflating too high; humbleness is key. It’s learning that people can be better
than other people at skills and tasks, but not at being people and living. It’s
learning that as wonderful as books are, real life experiences are better; you’ll
never forget the crazy, bizarre, dumb decisions, and things you did with your
friends, but you will forget the dates of many historic battles. It’s learning
that some people are fun to be around no matter what you’re doing, while others
require planned activities, but both should be appreciated. It’s learning that
just because you don’t agree doesn’t mean the other person is wrong. It’s
learning that more people may be listening than you think, but fewer than you
think care what you look like or how much time you spent getting ready this
morning. It’s learning that sometimes it’s up to you and you alone to look out
for yourself and there are times when you can be your own best company. It’s
learning that there is some good in everyone; some you just need to look harder
than others. It’s learning that people come and go from your life and there are
things to be learned from all of them.

Taking a leap is understanding and appreciating the people in your life. It’s
understanding that you don’t choose who you love, your heart does that for you.
It’s understanding that friendly people are more approachable. It’s
understanding that both smiles and yawns are contagious. It’s understanding
that getting lost can be fun especially if you’re in the right mood and with
the right person. It’s understanding that there is no one person you cannot
live without, but certainly one you wouldn’t want to. It’s appreciating that a
person who can make you laugh is a keeper. It’s learning that truth is the best
policy even if it hurts. It’s learning that you’re not the only person who has
been let down, you’ve done this to other people as well. It’s understanding
that people like to talk about themselves so it’s often good to be a listener.
It’s understanding that people often don’t need solutions, but someone who
cares enough to listen as they work out their own problems. It’s appreciating that
there is nothing better than a hug from someone you care about and that
sometimes holding hands can be more meaningful than kissing. It’s appreciating
that Skype doesn’t come close to in-person interactions, but it’s better than
nothing. It’s appreciating how wonderful it feels to see the face of someone
who is delighted to see you. It’s understanding that you can tell a lot from
looking to someone’s eyes, or the way they’re smiling. It’s understanding that
everyone likes to be acknowledged, appreciated, and complimented.

Taking a leap is that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel
slightly queasy. It’s the adrenaline that shoots through your body before a big
moment. It’s that spark inside of you that motivates and drives you. It’s what
makes life fun; the ups, the downs, the confusion, and the realizations that
change your outlook. It’s the fact that there is no map or GPS for life, but
rather an overgrown forest with bits of clues from your ancestors that you must
cut through to form your own path. It’s that feeling of childish excitement,
pure joy, a genuine smile; it’s that feeling of being alive. In my nineteen
years of life thus far, I’ve learned that sometimes you’ve just got to take a
take a leap; a leap of faith, of confidence, of realization, of appreciation, of
learning, of conquering your fears, and open your heart because together these
make up the wings you need so that one day you can soar.

I lay sprawled across my bed, my body vibrating as silent tears streamed down my
face, onto my soaking pillow. After hours of studying, it was clear that I was
not going to do as well as I wanted to on my exam the next day and feelings of
dread and self-hatred were contaminating my thoughts like a virus. I had begun
high school and I was feeling the pressure; the pressure to befriend the “right”
people, to earn straight A’s, to appear well rounded, to have a social life, and
to somehow find time to sleep. I felt that high school had been misrepresented
to me. “It’s the best four years of your life,” my parents would exclaim, “It’s
a time to experiment, to make mistakes, to find yourself.” Perhaps I was being
closed-minded, but I did not see where there was room for mistakes, when I could
experiment, or how I was going to make it to graduation with my sanity
intact.
Later that year, a family friend and avid yogi, introduced me to yoga. He
gave me a David Swenson VHS tape; Ashtanga Yoga “The Practice,” and I grudgingly
agreed to try it. As I began my first sun salutation, I felt my body heat up, my
muscles relax, and my abundance of negative thoughts clear. I focused on the
fluidity of my movements and my slow breathes. This thoughtless existence,
however brief, was bliss; I now had an outlet where I could release my stress,
my worries, and my negativity. During my yoga practice, there was no “right” or
“wrong.” There were no outside forces evaluating my movements or telling me what
I was supposed to gain from the experience. It was not important that I did the
hardest poses, finished first, or held a pose the longest. My yoga practice was
about my experience, my connection, and my growth.

One day, at the conclusion of my yoga practice, it hit me. I realized that I felt
this pressure because I was allowing outside forces to mediate my mood, my
happiness, and my existence. I realized that my opinions had held little value
to me and I realized how ridiculous and harmful this mindset was. I made a
conscious effort to consider my thoughts and opinions more and I began to
connect to my body and I became more in-tune with my thoughts and feelings. I
realized that my body is my instrument to hone and to nourish and it deserves my
appreciation. When negativity and pessimism would begin to infect my thoughts,
yoga would ground me, and help me relax and gain perspective. I realized how
lucky I was that my trivial worries were my biggest problem in life. I was soon
able to accept and come to peace with the fact that what I have in my power is
to give each endeavor my best effort. I began to reflect and put my “problems”
in perspective. I realized what I had thought were problems were really
opportunities. I realized that I had not been allowing myself to take advantage
of what was available to me. I wholeheartedly encourage more teens to try yoga.
High school can be a rough time, but it does not have to be. I learned through
my yoga practice that everything in life is what you make of it. Yoga helps you
gain body awareness and a mind-body connection. Being able to relax, reflect,
and put things in perspective is a valuable skill. When things are zooming
around you a mile a minute, in all stages of life it is valuable to be able to
take a step back.
Life is a journey and yoga helped me realize that it is important to
embrace and enjoy this journey, rather than work from landmark to landmark
wishing precious time away. It is essential to enjoy the process because sure
enough, in the blink of an eye, that awkward stage of adolescence had concluded
and I found myself walking toward my diploma. While I do not believe that high
school will end up being the best years of my life, I believe that I did
experiment, I did make mistakes, and I did find myself. Yoga gave me the courage
to consider my opinions and helped me realize that in fact, my biggest mistake
of all was trying not to make any. Once I stopped worrying about all of the
mistakes I could make, I found high school to be a much sunnier place. Yoga
helped me appreciate that perfection is something that is unattainable and
completely foolish to strive for; our imperfections are precisely what make us
interesting; without these imperfections, life would be exceedingly boring and
we would lose opportunities to learn, to laugh, and to grow. I learned that the
most important thing is not how others see you, but how you see yourself. We owe
it to ourselves to do work that we are proud of, be people that we are proud of,
and to pour our hearts into all of our endeavors. If these efforts are deemed
inadequate or are unappreciated, we can take comfort in knowing that it was the
best we could have done at that time and walk away with our heads held
high.